After spending the past few days getting used to being back in the
hustle and bustle of western culture I have finally had time to sit down and
reflect on all that has just passed. Africa was not at all what we expected. I
don't think anyone could have fully prepared us for the culture shock that took
place not long after we arrived in Mombasa. The sights, the sounds, the smells,
the poverty, the feeling of isolation realising that you have now become a
minority, the roads, the heat and the overwhelming sense of being so far away
from anything I knew. I was basically completely out of my comfort zone.
On the first day we arrived it was
ridiculously hot. We were both exhausted from the long journey. When we arrived
at the action centre where we would be staying I could feel myself becoming
choked with emotions. Thoughts like, "How am I going to do this?"
"It's so far from anything I have ever done before". I was in an
emotional meltdown. Jason and I were shown to our room and the sight of the
mosquito nets and the African appearance of the room sent me into emotional
turmoil. I sat on the cold hard floor surrounded by our unopened luggage and
tears just started flowing. I couldn't stop them. I had never felt like this
before. After a time, as the tears began to letup, I looked up and realised
that Jason was in the exact same state as me. I had been so overwhelmed that I
had not noticed that Jason had sat on the floor in front of me and was also wrecked
with tears. We didn't need to speak to one another, I looked in his eyes and he
looked in mine and we both knew exactly what each other was feeling. It was as
though I was looking in a mirror of myself.
Time passed and eventually we spoke giving
voice to all that had been choked by emotions. I felt isolated like I had been
dumped on a desert island. The yearning for home was overwhelming. I almost
felt the physical sickness of being homesick. I also felt disorientated, like I
was out of touch with reality. The feelings were so strong and I couldn't help
but say what was continuously going round and round in my head, "I want to
go home". Jason immediately agreed with me. I had never seen him look
so uneasy. We were called for dinner but neither us felt like we could eat or
move. We were both paralysed and stuck. Our leader Kheelie (who is also a Christian)
came in as she felt prompted to pray for us. That prayer was such a blessing. We
needed a lifeboat to cling on to as we felt like we had been stranded at sea
and was drowning. The prayer started to draw my attention back from the
towering fear that loomed over me and I was able to eat the dinner that had
been made for us.
The feelings still raged within though and as the evening drew on
another wave of homesickness hit. This time though it hit Jason really bad. Now
one thing I should mention here is that before we flew out to Africa Jason had
an extremely difficult experience. On the day we were flying we had to take our
first dose of malaria tablets. I found this a hard thing to do as I don’t like
having to take medication. I was the one who felt anxious about it. We decided
to take the malaria tablets at lunchtime with some food. I took mine first
shortly followed by Jason. Jason was standing up when he took them and seconds
after he swallowed he said, “I feel dizzy” and then fell on the floor. I was in
complete shock. I rang an ambulance but then he started to come round so there
was no need of an ambulance. About 10 minutes later he was walking around but
he still didn’t feel great. We rang for advice and was told to go to Accident
and Emergency at the hospital. By now we were both totally convinced that it
was the malaria tablets that had caused this reaction. My mum drove us to the hospital
and all thoughts of Africa had gone out the window. I had never seen Jason in
such a state. There was a long wait at the hospital and Jason’s mum came which
I was so grateful for. I was then able to go back home and try to get ready for
Africa even though I still didn’t know what was wrong with him. By about 3pm he
text me saying that the doctors said it was anxiety. I was shocked again. I was
the one who had been suffering with anxiety, who had panic attacks and had to
walk out of certain situations. When he got home it was nearly 4pm and we
needed to be at the airport by 6pm at the latest. Now we had another new
challenge to face, were we going to make our flights?
We did make our flights with plenty of time. I have no idea how we
made it but we did! So the challenges we had faced before we even got to Africa
were numerous. That first night Jason was feeling anxiety once again and was struggling
to know how to deal with it. In many situations where I have suffered I have
never told anyone about it. In other places we probably would have kept the
struggle we were having to ourselves and then it would have continued growing
and eventually we would have given up and gone home. So I said to Jason, “I’m
going to go and tell the others that we are struggling, it might make us feel
better”. So I went to Kheelie and told her everything. Kheelie, Rachael, Anna,
Jason and I all sat together that night and shared it all. So much of God’s
grace was there that night. So I thank these people for just walking alongside
us and loving us. As we went to bed that night Jason said to me, “I never
really understood your anxiety but I get it now and its horrible”. I had never
felt closer to him than I did that night.
Beginnings are always hard, so much harder than endings and the
beginning of our journey was testing. We slept soundly though on that first
night and woke up much more refreshed the next day. With every passing day we
began to get more and more used to the living conditions in Africa. I stopped
bothering trying to clean my feet every five minutes, I got used to the cold
water in the showers, I got used to doing a bug check every night inside my
mosquito net tent, I got used to always having sweaty hands and I didn’t bother
wearing make-up. I got used to walking through the village shouting Jambo to
everyone and I got used to the crazy traffic in Mombasa and travelling by Tuk
Tuk or Matatu. We also started to acclimatise to the heat and was blessed with
some rainy days which cooled it down a bit. However the hardest part, in terms
of living conditions, was the stomach issues. As the days went on the stomach
problems began to get a lot worse. The biggest problem was that we didn’t know
exactly what was causing it as it could have been a number of things. The
malaria tablets we take have a very common side effect of diarrhoea. However
also the food we were eating was a lot of beans etc which also could have
affected us and of course there is traveller’s diarrhoea too. There were a
couple of days where I felt too weak to go out and was struggling in the heat
to cope with it. Since I have come home I have still had the same thing so we
think it is the malaria tablets but I am glad to say we finish them today!
Even though adjusting to the living conditions in Africa was hard,
the experiences we had were so worth it all! If I had to narrow it down to
which three experiences were my favourite it would have to be the feeding
program, teaching at Noah’s Ark school and bonding with the children from Casuarina
House. The children at Casuarina House are so special, it was such a blessing
to individually get to know each child and see the beautiful variety of
personalities. Even though each child had such a bad start to their lives, you
can see how they have transformed from orphan to daughter or son, of knowing
that they are loved for who they are. It was wonderful to give to them the
books which we had brought with us and see them get excited but what was even
more extraordinary to me was how they opened their hearts to us. On the final
night of being with them, they just covered us in love in their own way and it
made me realise that this whole trip had been worth it just for that moment. I
will never ever forget it.
Teaching at Noah’s Ark was also incredible and once again my heart
just melted under the love that each person had. I particularly enjoyed the
second visit we made to Noah’s Ark as the children recognised us then and were
glad to see us come back. We taught some of the older children that day and
after doing reading with them I tried a different activity. I drew my face on
the board and wrote my name underneath and said, “Can you draw your own face
and write your name underneath?” Even though these children could speak and
understand English very well it took a long time to communicate what I was
asking them to do. Many children got confused and copied my face. So I ended up
drawing a mouth, a face, a nose and eyes on the board and said, “These are all
parts of your face, can you use those parts to draw your own face?” Some
children eventually understood and got creative drawing their own face but others
still couldn’t grasp it. I said to Jason afterwards that it was sad that the
children aren’t really encouraged in that side of learning, of being creative.
It was just an observation we made while we were there. Education is so
important there that I think it can often be seen as a means to an end which we
can understand as it is so necessary to improve your life.
The feeding program was one of the most fulfilling things I have
ever done. We had the opportunity to do it twice on both Saturdays we were
there. To serve these children by giving them their food was so rewarding. Each
child who came up would look at you and you could almost see exactly how they
were feeling in their eyes. Some look tired and care-worn, others hasty, some
looked grateful and others even managed to smile and look joyful. The smaller
children would come in holding the hand of their sibling and would lift up
their bowl that was so large in their tiny hands. They would gaze up at you in
a kind of awe. Even now when I look back on it, I wish I had cuddled them more
and been more open with my love. It felt harder to show these children love
because a part of me felt paralyzed by their need of food. Yet I realised
afterwards that they need love just as much. I learnt a valuable lesson there.
By the end of the two weeks in Africa, Jason and I had got very comfortable
with the African way of living. We missed home, family and some home comforts
but there was something that had grabbed our hearts in Africa. As we sat in Mombasa
airport waiting for our flight to be called I once again had the same feeling I
had on my first day in Africa. I looked at Jason and said, “I’m going to miss
Kenya” and he said, “Me too…Uh oh we are getting homesick for Kenya!” A huge
part of me didn’t want to return to western culture. I had felt so close to God
during the whole trip and my heart was cracked open…
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